Looking for peace is hard this time of year. It is even harder when it seems that everyone wants you to explain who you are and what you are with every little thing you say.
Something I never understood is if I say "I don't believe in a God?" Why some one who can't prove his existence will ask me to disprove it's existence.
Do I really have to go through every life changing event to explain why I don't believe, only to have it thrown at me, that it was just god testing my faith? The truth is that if it was god testing my faith, then it did a good job of crashing my faith completely. That should be enough said right there. I should not have to say anything more.
I love all people, no matter or differences in opinions. I love you for who you are. Sure there are going to be people I just cant get along with, however I can't honestly say I have ever formed such an intolerable uncontrollable emotion such as hate for another person.
I have yet to have a person ask me why I believe that love and understanding is the key to all of life's basic elements. Yet they will with out question, hit me from all angles and accuse me of not being able to love because I do not know the love of their god.
But you know what, I quit being a victim a long time ago, and I will be damned if I am going to start being a victim now. Somehow, someway, I am going to find that positive side of me, that remembers that everyone deserves to be loved. Somehow some way I am going to find that side of me again, that I have lost in the past few months that reminds me that being at peace with myself is more important, than being at peace with everyone else, and the deity they have chose to follow. Some how, I am going to find the place in my mind, where I remind myself that it is ok for people to have different paths than I do.
I do not care if this means I have to cut every ounce of negativity from my life in order to do so? Point blank if someone is hell bent on being miserable, and bringing me down to their level, of arguing, fussing, fighting, and making assumptions about me with out even asking, then they are not really worth my time and effort to begin with.
So here is my holiday resolution, in 2011 I am going to find that part of me, that light that so many claimed to see. I am going to stop giving into negativity, I am going to stop fighting with people because it isn't worth my time. However I am at the same point and time going to stop being walked on by other people just because I love with everything that I am. There comes a point and time when you have to say, I will not be brought down like this. I will not be made to feel insignificant to another, because they choose to focus on the negative, and I don't.
I am going to refuse to be brought down to that level again. It may mean cutting people that I love from my life, it may mean deleting a million face book accounts, but this washed out version of me, someone who has not a kind thought in her mind, simply isn't me, and I can not function being that person. It effects every area of my existence. When I notice that I am so emotionally distraught, that I can't seem to even find the time to clean because I am too busy arguing with someone over why I am right and they are wrong, well it is time for a change. I know that what ever path anyone has chosen for themselves is right for them. From here on out if they can't respect the fact that I am at peace and in perfect harmony with who I am, I will drop it. I owe no one an explanation of who I am.
Look past my lack of faith and see me as a person. Because at the end of the day I am a person, I feel, I love, and I am truly at peace with who I am, lack of faith and all. I am ok with NOT knowing and understanding everything, that doesn't mean that I am not going to take the time to learn about many things. It certainly does not mean that I am going to stop what I am learning about to discuss the things I have already learned and moved past.
For my friends, and family I only wish you peace in who you are, and I trust that you will make the right decisions for your life. You are the only one that has that control, Just as I will make the right decisions for mine. Happy Holidays wishes for peace in all things you do, good kind warm thoughts going out to you all in a very positive way!
